Saturday, September 30, 2006

A is for Anime, B is for Blasphemy, E is for EXTINCTION!!!!!

Hey Vicious Dreamer and Aimless Anarchist, You are on notice. You guys have not done anything substantial for this blog within the past few months, and I'm pissed.
Rabbit-man is Pissed ya hear, and there's gonna be hell to pay. I've done about 99.9% of the work of this blog, and my name is still last on the contributors list?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
No way you guys are going down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys want to redeem yourselves then write a review, or make a post, or even comment on something, alright?
YOuR's TrUly,
Special Bonus Feature, Quotes from the Venture Bros. I stole from a dvd review site:

"Fine, fine. But you have to understand—you can't waltz into the middle of a delicate, high-stakes chess tournament and yell 'King me!' just 'cause he bitched up your face. Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also cat for years…"

"Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?"

"I am known to men as Doctor Orpheus. And mine is to perceive and control the delicate arrangement of the cosmos."
"They give out Ph.D.s for that?"
"Junior college upstate. Communications major, minor in Women's Studies."

"While you were wasting your time castrating a priceless antique, I have been systematically feeding babies to hungry mutated puppies!"

"You could've told me Sasquatch was a…a dude."
"You couldn't tell?"
"Not until I had to…shave him."
"What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before."
"Sasquatch IS something I haven't seen before!!!!"

"Dean, have you been shooting dope into your scrotum? You can tell me—I'm hip!"

"Dean, Dean, Dean—you're supposed to be the smart one. You know your father would never turn Scamp inside out. I've simply removed all of his skin."

"I want a second opinion. Oh wait—I'M a doctor. I can give myself one! You suck, and I'm leaving."

"Yes, my longtime companda. I won her from David Bowie in a trivia contest. This was 1980, '81 perhaps—years before the big trivia craze…but then, Bowie always was a trendsetter."

Monday, September 25, 2006

Harry Potter and the HEART OF DARKNESS!!!!!

Apparently Batman was pulled over for drunk driving in Scotland, and police discovered his buddy Superman riding shotgun, also drunk. Now I know what you are thinking, but I'm not making this up, go check this website. All I have to say is that I am sorely disappointed, I mean it seems like all these "police" are doing lately is arresting blessed symbols of christianity for being associated with drinking and driving. I mean first Mel Gibson, now Superman!!! Who's next?

You know what? This is all Batman's fault, that jerk was just trouble from the beginning, and now look at what he's dragging superman into. YOU HEAR ME BATMAN, LEAVE SUPERMAN ALONE HE DOESN'T WANT ANY OF YOUR GIGGLE WATER, (well apparently he does, but alcoholism is a sickness, he can't help it, unlike you Batman! DO YOU BEHAVE THIS WAY WITH ROBIN? FOR GOD'S SAKE HE'S A MINOR YOU CAN'T BE GIVING HIM BEER!!!!)!!!!! So we should all seek to get superman some help, and check him into a rehab center. BUT WAIT, it's Scottland, they have no rehab centers there.

That's it, I say we all go out and find Batman and freaking kill him, he just perverted not only a blessed symbol of christianity, but also a symbol of Americana (he's a jewish symbol also). I for one won't let this stand, and I say we also lead an assault on Scotland soon. We'll make those god damned drunken Scots pay!!!!!!

Friday, September 22, 2006

DVD Review!!!

Alright there folks I'm doing something a little different today, I'm reviewing a DVD, specificallyBatman Beyond: Return of the Joker, The original, uncut Version. This is a pretty crazy movie, and let me begin things off by saying how freaking hard it was to get a hold of this thing. Every Best Buy I went to had the edited version of this movie that's like seven minutes shorter. Just go to wikipedia and see all the edits made to this movie, it's hilarious. Lets begin things off with a review divided into 5 categories: Story, Characters, Picture, Extras, Replayability.

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Story: I need to say one thing first: THIS MOVIE IS NOT FOR THE CHILDREN! It is freaking twisted, and the joker does some horrible stuff. However, my scientific tests have proven that if you are over 13 then you probably won't be too heavily traumatized, so go ahead and watch it. When the Batman Beyond series began, it really rejected convention, by giving the new Batman his own villains (not just updated versions of the originals), and by not really focusing on the how the old Batman grew to become a bitter old man. Needless to say some fans of the original Batman show were a little disappointed with this new one.Well Batman fans finally got their wish with this movie, which not only brings back batman's most famous enemy, but it also tells the original Batman's last battle with the Joker. Overall I thought that this movie was really well done, and it pretty much stays interesting from beginning to end, with no dull time. With a really great confrontation at the end providing a bittersweet ending to the movie.

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Characters: I really liked the updated character designs for this movie, the older Bruce Wayne, the new Batman, and all of the joker's henchmen really looked cool. I should really make a comment on how they fixed the Joker's character design, in the Batman cartoon that preceded this, the joker looked horrible, but in the flashback scene for this movie, they made the joker alot cooler looking. The future version of the Joker is kind of plain, but one must consider that the writers were trying to make him alot darker, and more serious. To do this, they made him cut out some of the goofy aspects of his design, and focused on a more Hannibal Lecter type look for him.

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Extras: This movie has the best extras of any animated Batman Movie, There is a great audio commentary, a bit of a fluff piece documentary advertising Batman Beyond, a music video, deleted scenes, and animatics. Of these the audio commentary is the most informative, and best overall extra. Everything else is pretty much standard, but I always enjoy hearing what the creator's thoughts on their movie.

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Picture: This movie looks great, and this leads me to how this movie relates to anime, this movie was animated entirely in Japan. Also notable is the vibrant coloring in this movie, entirely computer generated.

Replayability: I'm not sure if replayability is a word, and if it isn't then I'm taking credit for it, and you JERKS AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!! I would say that the complex nature of this movie would definetly warrant a second viewing.

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So overall I highly recommend getting this movie, if you can find it.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Batman Mask of the Phantasm

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I'd like to spend a little bit of time talking about the best Batman movie made so far. No I'm not talking about Batman Begins, or the Tim Burton movies, but Batman Mask of the Phantasm. Phantasm was the first movie made by the brilliant animators who worked on the Batman cartoon that started up in the early 90s. That series was, and still is, my favorite interpretation of the Batman character, and I have recently rediscovered that amazing show. Let my review of this movie guide you into this first, and best foray into Batman's animated adventures. (Don't even get me started on the Crap that is the newest animated incarnation of Batman.)

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First of all I must talk about the character designs for this movie, which were all based off of Bruce Timm's iconic art style. These designs are very unique, and as I said before iconic, many have hailed this series character designs, and animation for being very lush, and for providing alot of detail and movement. What I liked in particular about this movie was the use of shadows on Batman, and how characters would blend in and shroud themselves in them. In fact this movie is very dark with most of the scenes taking place at night. Overall all character designs are very nice, and attractive. This series has much more fluidity in it's animation, and it is refreshing to watch animation that was produced completely by hand, instead of today's mostly computer generated/aided animation.

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The voice acting in this movie is incredible, I remember reading someplace about how the casting agent Andrea Romano looked for actors with character in their voices, and that this series' voice actors often recorded their lines together to allow for greater chemistry between actors. First off I have to mention Kevin Conroy, the voice of Batman, he provided an extra psychological layer to this movie by using two distinct voices when voicing Batman and Bruce Wayne. I should also mention that Conroy has been voicing Batman for the Past 14 years. (DAMN THAT NEW CARTOON FOR CASTING SOME OTHER JERK AS BATMAN!!!!! DAMN THEM!!!!!!) Dana Delany provides the voice for Bruce Wayne's love interest in this movie, and does an excellent job. I just have to say that I love just about every voice acting performance I have heard Delany in, she imbues any character she voices with instant respectability, and personality. Also Mark Hamil (yes Luke Skywalker) provides the most definitive take on the Joker ever, bar none, and his voice acting work is just incredible. In fact it is blasphemy that he isn't in that godforsaken new Batman cartoon either. The only voice actor that I didn't like was the guy who voiced the hot shot politician, I forget the politician's name and position, he just didn't have that "it" factor to his voice.

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Lastly the plot to this movie was very good, in the beginning I was just a little bored, with the flow of the story, but after about fifteen minutes I was completely hooked, and the ending more than made up for the slowness of the first fifteen minutes. I don't want to spoil much of the plot for you guys, so I'll just mention what other far more respectable, and renown critics have said about this movie. Ebert and Roeber gave this movie two thumbs up, the first Batman movie to recieve such an honor (and the only one up until Batman Begins came and tore down the house). Steve Parshall said it best when he hailed this version of Batman as, "Gotham City's savior the way he was meant to be". Some of my favorite scenes in this movie revolve around Bruce Wayne debating his vow to his parents, because he has found true love, and wants to settle down, but of course this is Batman, and well lets just say that things don't end happily for him. I just can't recommend this movie enough.

So I guess I should give this a numerical grade...Hmm I'll go with a 98.

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I Know this says comic book adaptation, but dammit it looks cool

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Why Naruto is ruining the Children

Now you guys may be wondering, "What the hell has happened to Anime is Blasphemy? All they do is post videos off of youtube, and talk about the Venture Bros. I hate it, even though Venture Bros is freaking awesome, however, I wish they would talk about Anime." I am here to say that I, Rabbit-man will talk about anime today, so all you jerks can just SHUT UP!!!!

Now where was I, oh yeah, Naruto apparently is gathering up a truckload of ratings for the Cartoon Network, and those crazed young boys between the ages of 2 and 12, just can't get enough of that plucky little ninja. In fact many people are saying that Naruto will become the next Dragon Ball Z in that all boys in their tweens and early teenage years will be watching it. Now I could include some ratings information, to back up my claims about Naruto's popularity, but that would take time, and I don't have it, because I'm mad as hell, and I need to say some stuff. Mainly that NARUTO IS RUINING THE CHILDREN!!!!!
Don't believe me do you, well here are five reasons why:

1. It encourages cheating on tests- I remember watching this one episode where all the main characters had to cheat on this Test in order to become full fledged Ninjas, and about half of the episode was about them cheating in all sorts of cool ways. Just what is this telling the children? I'll tell you what, that those little freaks can cheat on their tests, because their heroes the ninjas did it. NO NO NOOO!!!!

2. It is sexist-Whenever I watch this show that chick with the pink hair never does anything. Naruto and his little buddy Sasuke could be getting their asses kicked by that goddamn transexual kid with the ice mirrors, and the pink haired chick just cries while they are getting owned. Not to mention that one time when the pink haired chick was supposed to defend her friends from three incredibly gay ninjas, and she got whupped, and had to have like nine other dudes save her. Then there was that episode where that same pink haired chick fought the blonde bimbo chick, and they reminisced about how they learned to arrange flowers in Ninja school. What the hell So according to Naruto all women are good for is crying when their friends are getting their asses kicked, getting saved by other people, and arranging flowers. LAME

3. The main character is a misfit loser-Yeah I'll say it, this whole trend started with those gosh darned Harry Potter books, with their messages like "You can be whatever you want to be, and try hard". NO you stupid kids, you'll never be like Harry Potter, because Harry Potter is freaking wizard, and wizards don't exist, but frog wizards do (and don't you people debate me on that again). So by that same logic the children can't be like Naruto because he's a Ninja and Ninjas don't exist, and never did. AND DON'T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME THEY DID!!!

4. The main character is possessed by a Demon, and nobody cares-Back in my day whenever somebody got possessed by a demon, people either made a movie about it, tried to exorcise it, or they at least talked to a televangelist about it. But nowadays, they think Oh I'll use the demon's power to beat up that goddamned transexual kid with the ice mirrors, and that albino with the snake tongue. Well let me tell you what. Using a Demon's powers to beat up people no matter how annoying they are is bad, because DEMONS ARE AGENTS OF THE DEVIL!!!!

5. They fight with weapons- Now I'll be the first to admit throwing a Ninja star at somebody is pretty cool, but I'm a teenage boy who would never do such a thing, unless if I was paid to do so, or it was in an act of Vengeance. But I digress, all the kids who watch this show will soon take their kitchen butcher knives, and begin to recreate their favorite Ninja battles, which is completely wrong, because ninjas don't use knives to kill, they use their special ninja techniques. You don't want the children to kill each other with weapons in the name of Naruto, because it's inacurate to the spirit of the show. Besides killing someone with a weapon is just cowardly, a true ninja would kill somebody with their bare hands, while they're naked, just like Brock Samson. WATCH THE VENTURE BROTHERS!!!!!