Why Naruto is ruining the Children
Now you guys may be wondering, "What the hell has happened to Anime is Blasphemy? All they do is post videos off of youtube, and talk about the Venture Bros. I hate it, even though Venture Bros is freaking awesome, however, I wish they would talk about Anime." I am here to say that I, Rabbit-man will talk about anime today, so all you jerks can just SHUT UP!!!!
Now where was I, oh yeah, Naruto apparently is gathering up a truckload of ratings for the Cartoon Network, and those crazed young boys between the ages of 2 and 12, just can't get enough of that plucky little ninja. In fact many people are saying that Naruto will become the next Dragon Ball Z in that all boys in their tweens and early teenage years will be watching it. Now I could include some ratings information, to back up my claims about Naruto's popularity, but that would take time, and I don't have it, because I'm mad as hell, and I need to say some stuff. Mainly that NARUTO IS RUINING THE CHILDREN!!!!!
Don't believe me do you, well here are five reasons why:
1. It encourages cheating on tests- I remember watching this one episode where all the main characters had to cheat on this Test in order to become full fledged Ninjas, and about half of the episode was about them cheating in all sorts of cool ways. Just what is this telling the children? I'll tell you what, that those little freaks can cheat on their tests, because their heroes the ninjas did it. NO NO NOOO!!!!
2. It is sexist-Whenever I watch this show that chick with the pink hair never does anything. Naruto and his little buddy Sasuke could be getting their asses kicked by that goddamn transexual kid with the ice mirrors, and the pink haired chick just cries while they are getting owned. Not to mention that one time when the pink haired chick was supposed to defend her friends from three incredibly gay ninjas, and she got whupped, and had to have like nine other dudes save her. Then there was that episode where that same pink haired chick fought the blonde bimbo chick, and they reminisced about how they learned to arrange flowers in Ninja school. What the hell So according to Naruto all women are good for is crying when their friends are getting their asses kicked, getting saved by other people, and arranging flowers. LAME
3. The main character is a misfit loser-Yeah I'll say it, this whole trend started with those gosh darned Harry Potter books, with their messages like "You can be whatever you want to be, and try hard". NO you stupid kids, you'll never be like Harry Potter, because Harry Potter is freaking wizard, and wizards don't exist, but frog wizards do (and don't you people debate me on that again). So by that same logic the children can't be like Naruto because he's a Ninja and Ninjas don't exist, and never did. AND DON'T YOU PEOPLE TELL ME THEY DID!!!
4. The main character is possessed by a Demon, and nobody cares-Back in my day whenever somebody got possessed by a demon, people either made a movie about it, tried to exorcise it, or they at least talked to a televangelist about it. But nowadays, they think Oh I'll use the demon's power to beat up that goddamned transexual kid with the ice mirrors, and that albino with the snake tongue. Well let me tell you what. Using a Demon's powers to beat up people no matter how annoying they are is bad, because DEMONS ARE AGENTS OF THE DEVIL!!!!
5. They fight with weapons- Now I'll be the first to admit throwing a Ninja star at somebody is pretty cool, but I'm a teenage boy who would never do such a thing, unless if I was paid to do so, or it was in an act of Vengeance. But I digress, all the kids who watch this show will soon take their kitchen butcher knives, and begin to recreate their favorite Ninja battles, which is completely wrong, because ninjas don't use knives to kill, they use their special ninja techniques. You don't want the children to kill each other with weapons in the name of Naruto, because it's inacurate to the spirit of the show. Besides killing someone with a weapon is just cowardly, a true ninja would kill somebody with their bare hands, while they're naked, just like Brock Samson. WATCH THE VENTURE BROTHERS!!!!!